Wednesday, July 15, 2009

An ode to my love

Since time immemorial, lyric poem has fascinates man. And in this very 21st century, a young sailor makes his attempt at scribbling down lines of love. Sailing across the various aspects of life and experiences, he thinks he should, and must.

Think about the billions of poems written by millions of people, only one had been contributed by this young man, the one that’s an ode to oranges. See it here.

Knowing his limited contribution in the field, he tries his best to come up with something, something that is passionate, loving, sentimental – to put in one word – romantic.

Armed himself with a portrait of Shakespeare on the table, a notebook and a pen with strawberry flavored ink – (Ohh that smells so good). Starts playing Keith Urban’s ‘Making memories of us’ softly and enqueuing “Tonight I wanna cry” on the next.

The fine-drawn weather and the gentle breeze are all on for it. So he sits down on the red chair with the black edges and makes his first attempt.

#First attempt

I miss you
Like a child misses her blanket
I need you
Like a flower needs sunshine
I love you
Like you love me

Too short, can’t make it longer. Besides, the lines are pretty bit childish. Lemme try again, putting more effort in coming up with some poetic words and metaphors. Here goes…

#Second attempt

Your voice
Like delicate music of an angelic choir
Your eyes
Like liquid moon
Your hands
Like lotus blossoms
You hairs
Like golden threads of royal robe
Your smile
Like the morning dew
You’re everything
To me my love

No rhymes? Hmm.. I’ve heard that most of the famous poems are coming with rhymes and flows. Here’s the attempt in rhyming words.

#Third attempt

My love,

You’re a shooting star
Only that you’re not far
I wish I could
Only that you would
Let me fly with you
And start our life anew

Together we’ll fly so high
Bid all our friends goodbye
Striking across all universe
Counting every star we parse
Oh! How I wish to fly
With you in my arms

Still, I failed in rhyming the last two lines. They’re like a ‘party-pooper’, stubborn and don’t walk in the line of their friends. Will it be better if it goes like this?

Oh! How I wish to fly with you
In my arms holding you

I don’t know either. Writing a lyric poem isn’t that easy and I don’t think I can do it. At least they say, try try again… Now, let’s make a final attempt in the composition of ‘an ode to my love’.

#Final attempt

For each moment of tears, I think of you,
The moments we had, the love we share;
Never had I been so inquisitive that you are the one,
Crimson regret here I cry, it never left me.

I am flying, the day I met you,
I was in heaven, down on earth;
Your heart skips a beat when we hug,
Mine skip too, that you didn’t know.

You’re my continuing source of inspiration,
My sail in this life’s ocean;
You’re my strong tower,
My shelter in thunder and storm;


Brat!! I failed, totally. I don’t know any lines to go more… It’s not my mug of beer. :-)

Well, at least, I tried.


Mimihrahsel said...

No! You did not fail..
You tried.. and it's not bad at all.. i like the third one :-)
And i seriously want to know how to compose poems too. Maybe, just maybe, someday.. it might happen.

Bravo for this one.. keep it up!

Andy Varte said...

Aha! But I must insist, there is no failure when it comes to writing 'em poems. That is the beauty of the arts, there is no rigid standard upon which one must be judged - you are free to express yourself!

I enjoyed the 3rd 'attempt' - 'attempt' ti lovin 'format' ti zawk ang - 'attempt' sounds too unflattering.

All you need to do now is let your 'love' read this! :D

Joseph L said...

@Mimi - I must say thank you. I thought i really screwed up my poems, esp the final attempt. And thanks again, for your inspiring comment. You will be a great poet, if you tried... I can see through the future, I know, I got crystal balls. lol

@Andy - Yesss, and I came to know that, there exist 'poetic license' :-) . Seriously guys, my 3rd attempt was just a wrapped up, i never thought people will like it.

Thanks again buddy, for you've let my poetic soul run spree from doubts. Btw, my 'love' can read this from Imagination Land. :-)

chhangte_ll said...

Poetry hi chu Robert Frost, William Wadsworth, Lord Alfred Tennyson leh midang dang te bâk hi ka la kalpel lo reng reng :D Lo ti tlauh tlauh teh khai.

Varte said...

Nice try, keep on trying till you make it.. te han ti vel ilah..

Kei ai chuan i thiam hrim hrim a nih hi.

Joseph L said...

@Chhangte - I rawn lut ve leh thin a, i ti lawmawm thin. Nangni ang mithiam comment hi kan ngaihthlak chak a ni thin a nia. :-) Lo ti tlauh tlauh ila a ni mai alawm... btw, i fapa hi ka kid atan ka va awt ve. A cute ltk

@Varte - In ti tha duh si lo a, keini hian thiamlo chung chungin kan han risk kual ve leh thin a ni e.

mnowluck said...

Nice one.. I hadn't dare to try even once.:)

Joseph L said...

@mnowluck - U should try.. atleast once. :-) It may be your hidden talent.

Anonymous said...
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illusionaire said...

There's no such thing as failure in poetry. The greatest thing about poetry is it is freestyle :-) Look at all the so called "great poems" we have. It is the only educated few in this field that appreciates them. And does that make such poems any superior? Well, if we are talking about what the majority likes and not what a few selective people who consider it to be intellectually beyond our level of thinking, then I suppose majority counts. After all, that's how a political party comes to power too, right? :-)

Puii said...

Hey, I think you actually wrote the poems pretty well specially the last one :)!! As for me.. I really suck when i've to come up with poetic words and writing a poem itself!! I think when one write something from ones heart, it's always such a beautiful thing for that person! so... keep writing from your heart for the one :)

wonderboy said...

ziak thiam khop alom....khitiang bak2 a tha a awm lo sim2....keep going!!!
poem hi chu vawi khat chiah ka la ziak ve a, ka tum leh duh to lo reng2.... :-)

Anonymous said...

Nice work.. "Crimson regret here I cry.." nice line there..
At one time, my mind was full of rhymes and I did post a few, but now I'm blank. I guess it just doesn't come that easy.
Keep rhyming, you'll only get better, there's no wrong way to write a poem, IMHO.

Rita Zoye said...

Nope You've not failed... (I melted) only thing is the poem is not for me :-( Any normal would fell for it.. keep it up and thumbs up!!

Joseph L said...

@illusionaire - agreed. Andy also mentioned about the liberty of peoms, i.e art. Yeah, we are living in this world, full of art. science too is an art (me thinks) :-)

@puii - thanks again for your inspiring comment. Not only from the heart, but deep down inside.

@wonderboy - teh hlawl che chuan. Ka tum ngun, hla phuah pawh ka tum ngun, ka pamtrul thrak thrak mai. Hehe.. lo tum ve zel teh.

@blackestred - I know why you loved that line. No wonder why you choose your display name 'blackest red' :-) It's nice to hear from such people, who've written at least some. Thanks again.

@rita - Hey hey, really? I'll buy you a hanky, some other time. lol. Really appreciate your comment.

ku2 said...

3rd attempt "counting every star we parse"...parse khi ka duh top! and i love the orange poem. "i came along, i wrote a song for u, o what a thing to do, and it was called 'yellow'" tih ringot ah poh ka luangliam theia, ka duh ang chi takin i ziak