Thursday, February 28, 2013

The Drunkard's Prayer

Father, look down on us your humble and at the same time proud, obedient, awesome drunk servants who are doomed to loiter in the street, puking, dancing, singing and harlem shaking in tights. We beseech you, O Lord, to guide us home without being caught by the City Police, chased by the YMA duties and that our left over liquor stays safe in our underwear or wherever we hide them.

Give us this day, a good – up and running phone network so that we may call our agents to make sure our brand is available. We pray that our friends do not mix our drinks with Zawlaidi or local “funte” and that they bring ice cubes, chips, water and dispo cups instead.

Lead us to good, safe, dark and quiet spot within the city where one can sit and talk about religion, politics, sex and science comfortably. Give us the wisdom to notice whether a vehicle is coming or not and the wisdom to speak about anything seriously ‘Like a Sir’ when someone walks by unexpectedly.

Grant us the strength to not cry over our exes, the strength to stay awake till we get home and the strength to hold ourselves from intense generosity that often left our wallets empty in the morning.

Dear God, protect my friends from getting into fights on the way they can’t afford. Lead them not into temptation for they know not what they do.

Almighty Father, save my friends from making fools of themselves in parties and picnics. Keep our partners safe at wherever they dwell and if they cheat; do not forgive them their trespasses for they know exactly what they do.

And when we get home, grant us the instant “ninja-mode” to sneak in quietly to our room without getting noticed by the neighbours, parents and the dog. So that we may sleep tight in our beds and wake up the next morning without hangovers. This we ask in the name of Jose Cuervo, Jack Daniels, Johnnie Walker and Jim Beam. Amen.