Sunday, May 17, 2009

I’m pregnant!!

Life’s been great. Bright and sunny weather, birds chirping and flying freely across the sky. Had my daily routine of exercises and I’m through my semester exams. Health is up to the mark and I’m getting my rapidshare premium account for the 2nd time, for free of course. His Holiness Dalai Lama is following me on twitter and watches every updates by Miley Cyrus. What a wonderful world it is, until last night I realized, I’m pregnant!!

Miracle it may seem. But it happened. All the pregnancy test results that I saw are by no means a lie. Scanning of endocrine balance, hormone levels, amniotic concentration, carbohydrate level, ketone (ketosis/lipolysis), ovulation status, bovine encephalitis, distemper and progesterone infusion results are all positive. Now I am really worried.

Questions keep popping. Who’s the father? How did “it” happen? When was it conceived? Will I be a virgin mother? OMG… I am so doomed right now. Who will be my baby’s father? Am confused, I never had a chance with any man, or involve in any acts that involves private organs. It may be a miracle or an accident. But I can’t recall on any incidents that could be the existence of my baby.

Most awkward of all, I’m a man. Men can get pregnant? (google…google…) Of course, some men do get babies in their tummy. Like Thomas Beatie and others. Have you ever heard of the famous Buck Angel? But they are all transgender (which means they change their sex). Could I be a woman trapped in a man’s body? I don’t think so. Help me pleaseeee……..

FYI : The above passage is written somewhere back in February 2006.

Its 8 months exactly after I got gravid. I am doing fine, I eat lotsa healthy fruits and foods and the baby is doing great. I quit smoking, which I thought could be the worst thing that a mom would ever do to "his" baby. The ultrasound checking results seems normal and the result include (just read the cert.) – Boy! Hah!

To keep a long story short - I deliver it on 25th December, 2006, i.e. on Christmas day. Now I really need to know who my hubby is. So, I ask lots of people and do researches on the net, on whether finding a baby’s father is possible. After a long search, a group of people in Vietnam calling themselves “The Spivs” told me that they could find the baby’s father at the cost of 1 million dollar. And they did…. Guess who?

F8CK that!! And the next moment I thought, Mr. Terminator is the only man in this world other than Chuck Norris who could get a man pregnant.

And here’s the birth certificate. My son's name is Gavin Jordan Schwarzenegger!! :D

Bah!!!!! My post is absolutely gay!! Hahaha…. It all comes from the devil’s workshop, which is an idle mind. Sunny Sunday afternoon, and this is what you get. Point your browser to and test yourself. You can be pregnant…. Hah, fun!!

Monday, May 11, 2009

In search for a J.O.B

“Yayyy!! I’ve finished my master degree!!”

“Are you going to pursue PhD?”

“No, I am going to look for a J.O.B”

That’s a typical in-search-for-job joke which I read last month in an old joke book. When people graduated, they all look for a job. In a world of survival of the fittest, you need to earn your living and that’s why you got education, right?

Since the beginning, man has been exploring and discovering new things year after year. Most important of all, man realized the social system of production, exchange, distribution, and consumption of goods and services of a country or other area and coined the term ‘economy’ for it.

Today, the breakdown of this economy has left thousands of people jobless. Y’all know it. So, we need an alternative to prevent ourselves from the rude crisis. How are we going to do it? It’s simple, find a job that the economy won’t affect. Let me list out some of the most prosperous jobs, take a look.

Become a street performer – Some may call it buskers or whatever. Street performers were a part of the Indian scene long before the British arrived in the 17th century. So, job-age of over 4 centuries will be reliable, no doubt. Try to be creative and be unique, perform tricks that have never been performed. Try jumping over the moon, or even eat your head. The more astonishing and incredible, the better pay. If you don’t know what to do, I can teach you the tricks of levitation and how to play Mozart's Symphony No. 40 with polythene, call me. :D

If you think, busking is not for you, try to become a crocodile wrangler. Many of us are privy to this unusual occupation due to the late, great Steve Irwin, but no matter how accustomed we become to handling animals it will always be a little out there. A nice mix of danger and excitement for what many would consider low pay. Think about the million rupees coming to you.

Sometimes you may dream of living a high life. And your dreams are coming true, become a Himalayan guide. Presumably these positions are dominated by indigenous peoples living constantly at these high altitudes so they’ve become accustomed to it. Pitch a tent at the bottom, and study every curls and cracks of the mountain range. After years, you know every bit of it. Just place an ad on a paper, and you’re on.

The most up-and-coming job to be is to hunt a dinosaur. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to go searching for ancient creatures fossilized 300 feet underground. If you found one, all that waits for you is only “fame and fortune”.

Weed farmer – Sounds weird, huh? All you slackers don’t get too excited. It’s not what you think. Grow weed as much as you can, instead of getting rid of them. Sell them to horticulture schools and labs, so that people can do various research and studies in the wonderful world of weeds.

You can become a chicken sexer. May sounds funny, but your job is to go through baby chicks and separating them according to sex. I hear this job is pretty easy, if you just play bad 80's music and set things up like a 5th grade dance, they separate themselves.

Have you ever sat in a park bench and had the misfortune of placing your hand in old gum? So, why not become a gum buster? Your job is to remove gum that resides all over the place. Go to schools, department offices, ask them if they could pay you for busting gums from their schools or office. Sure, they will pay you, guaranteed. Imagine the number of parks, schools, offices, restaurants and malls in your place. Time to get busy!!

How about a barber? Barber? Yes, cutting of people hair is one of the oldest jobs and will ever never get outdated. A barber’s job will go swimmingly, I know. Hair has been growing generation after generation and will grow until the end of the world. You’ll never run out of a job, and I promise, the most powerful man on earth (Obama, to be precise) even bows before his barber.

Hence, whosoever bows before you (even superman) is under your command. You have higher power which makes all mankind bows and do whatever you like, cut their hair, shave them or trim their beards. And they’ll even pay you with a *smile* (I don’t know if superman will ever pay you). So why not become a barber?

Apart from all the jobs that we’ve mentioned above, here’s some more.

1. Fortune cookie writer
2. Snake Milker
3. Adult store attendant.
4. Hair boiler
5. Ostrich babysitter
6. Polar bear mother
7. Pig wanker (yellsshh!!)
8. Bangladeshi otter trainers -
9. Professional table soccer player.
10. Dog walker.

The list seems endless, it’s your turn to get yourself armed.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

WikiMapia Fun

Khua a lum bawk si, thil dang tih a tui thei tak tak lo. Blog update lam pawh hma lak a harsa talh mai alawm le. Khua hi engatinge a rawn lum vak ringawt zel le, a hrehawm kan tih tehreng nen te han ti rilru dawn ila, a ngaihtuah tawi thlak angreng bawk si. Engpawhnise, chutia lum ti em em a engvak mah ti peih lova ka thut mai mai lai chuan, wikimapia bawk chu ka lut leh a.

Ka thianpa in nula in hrang hrang min hrilh a, a kalkawng zawng zawng nen kan chhinchhiah thlap thlap hnu chuan, tag hlimawm deuh deuh ka hmu nual a. Heng lo pawh hi a la awm teuh ka ring a, in hmu ve ta mial a nih leh in lo tilang ve dawn nia.

Wikimapia hi a tangkai dan kan hre theuh awm e, mahse tag holam lutuk te hian a ti hnawk ve mai mai em aw te ka lo tia. Kan tag thenkhat te hi chu tag ngai miah lo te a ni hlawm. Engpawhnise, han en ve mai mai teh. A thuziak i chhiar theih loh chuan a milem hi click mai dawn nia.