Monday, May 11, 2009

In search for a J.O.B

“Yayyy!! I’ve finished my master degree!!”

“Are you going to pursue PhD?”

“No, I am going to look for a J.O.B”

That’s a typical in-search-for-job joke which I read last month in an old joke book. When people graduated, they all look for a job. In a world of survival of the fittest, you need to earn your living and that’s why you got education, right?

Since the beginning, man has been exploring and discovering new things year after year. Most important of all, man realized the social system of production, exchange, distribution, and consumption of goods and services of a country or other area and coined the term ‘economy’ for it.

Today, the breakdown of this economy has left thousands of people jobless. Y’all know it. So, we need an alternative to prevent ourselves from the rude crisis. How are we going to do it? It’s simple, find a job that the economy won’t affect. Let me list out some of the most prosperous jobs, take a look.

Become a street performer – Some may call it buskers or whatever. Street performers were a part of the Indian scene long before the British arrived in the 17th century. So, job-age of over 4 centuries will be reliable, no doubt. Try to be creative and be unique, perform tricks that have never been performed. Try jumping over the moon, or even eat your head. The more astonishing and incredible, the better pay. If you don’t know what to do, I can teach you the tricks of levitation and how to play Mozart's Symphony No. 40 with polythene, call me. :D

If you think, busking is not for you, try to become a crocodile wrangler. Many of us are privy to this unusual occupation due to the late, great Steve Irwin, but no matter how accustomed we become to handling animals it will always be a little out there. A nice mix of danger and excitement for what many would consider low pay. Think about the million rupees coming to you.

Sometimes you may dream of living a high life. And your dreams are coming true, become a Himalayan guide. Presumably these positions are dominated by indigenous peoples living constantly at these high altitudes so they’ve become accustomed to it. Pitch a tent at the bottom, and study every curls and cracks of the mountain range. After years, you know every bit of it. Just place an ad on a paper, and you’re on.

The most up-and-coming job to be is to hunt a dinosaur. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to go searching for ancient creatures fossilized 300 feet underground. If you found one, all that waits for you is only “fame and fortune”.

Weed farmer – Sounds weird, huh? All you slackers don’t get too excited. It’s not what you think. Grow weed as much as you can, instead of getting rid of them. Sell them to horticulture schools and labs, so that people can do various research and studies in the wonderful world of weeds.

You can become a chicken sexer. May sounds funny, but your job is to go through baby chicks and separating them according to sex. I hear this job is pretty easy, if you just play bad 80's music and set things up like a 5th grade dance, they separate themselves.

Have you ever sat in a park bench and had the misfortune of placing your hand in old gum? So, why not become a gum buster? Your job is to remove gum that resides all over the place. Go to schools, department offices, ask them if they could pay you for busting gums from their schools or office. Sure, they will pay you, guaranteed. Imagine the number of parks, schools, offices, restaurants and malls in your place. Time to get busy!!

How about a barber? Barber? Yes, cutting of people hair is one of the oldest jobs and will ever never get outdated. A barber’s job will go swimmingly, I know. Hair has been growing generation after generation and will grow until the end of the world. You’ll never run out of a job, and I promise, the most powerful man on earth (Obama, to be precise) even bows before his barber.

Hence, whosoever bows before you (even superman) is under your command. You have higher power which makes all mankind bows and do whatever you like, cut their hair, shave them or trim their beards. And they’ll even pay you with a *smile* (I don’t know if superman will ever pay you). So why not become a barber?

Apart from all the jobs that we’ve mentioned above, here’s some more.

1. Fortune cookie writer
2. Snake Milker
3. Adult store attendant.
4. Hair boiler
5. Ostrich babysitter
6. Polar bear mother
7. Pig wanker (yellsshh!!)
8. Bangladeshi otter trainers -
9. Professional table soccer player.
10. Dog walker.

The list seems endless, it’s your turn to get yourself armed.


Jinx said...

Hahaha! Great ideas bhai. I grinned from ear to ear as I read. Good post.

You write well not only in Mizo but also in English!!!You amaze me yet again.

Joseph L said...

Thank you Jinx, once again! Am still trying to write well in english, its really complicated. So, what do you choose? Snake Milker? :-)

Rita Zoye said...

hehehe... what a list, and wy haven't I meet u before I joined SPHSS... hehehe... Seriously, Having a job makes you gain plently of experiences.. academic to life; but we tend to loose track of our studies. Do PhD right away- vice versa of what I had written about, So either way, We don't loose anything...

OpaHmar said...

Confucious say......I would seriously consider becoming a fortune cookie writer

Joseph L said...

@ Miss Rita - SPHSS might be our rendezvous... lol. Yess, having a job gains us plenty of experiences, and yet more, if its one of those listed above. Hihi

@ OPa Hmar - Is your first name Confucious?

Emmanuel Zama said...

these are 'too-good-to-be true' jobs, i think..but a few jobs are CLiche-d.. anyway, i have a few Job suggestions : heres a few..

autopsy assistant
Cat Nanny
Donkey Trainer
Elf at santa's workshop
FBI finger print examiner
grave digger
Hurricane hunter ( sounds fun, Jose)
Ice sculpture carver
Junk mail machine operator
Kitty Litter box decorator
laser tag referee
magician's assistant
nuclear assistant on a submarine
Parachute tester ( out of my list)
quality control taster for a chocolate factory
romance specialist ( hmm.... )
scratcher for patients' backs
turkey wrangler ( or chicken wrangler)
undercover vice decoy
video game tester
XRay techinicians for zoo animals
Yawn counter at a sleep clinic
Zamboni driver ( i dont mind being one)

these are a from the RD April edition.. i find them quite interesting...

Fonzc said...

a tha hlom ve...hehe ...tih chi hlom ang

Joseph L said...

@ Zama - You've got urself a whole list out there, why don't you already go for it. Make the Yawn Counter at the Sleep Clinic... really suits you. :-)

@ Fonzc - Thil tih chi hlir alawm awm. Tih chi chu i duh zel kha. :-)

luliana said...

Interesting...Now i'll never starve again..hahha

Joseph L said...

@ Luliana - Eh, have u ever starved.... before?? Yet you are big boned.