Sunday, May 17, 2009

I’m pregnant!!

Life’s been great. Bright and sunny weather, birds chirping and flying freely across the sky. Had my daily routine of exercises and I’m through my semester exams. Health is up to the mark and I’m getting my rapidshare premium account for the 2nd time, for free of course. His Holiness Dalai Lama is following me on twitter and watches every updates by Miley Cyrus. What a wonderful world it is, until last night I realized, I’m pregnant!!


Miracle it may seem. But it happened. All the pregnancy test results that I saw are by no means a lie. Scanning of endocrine balance, hormone levels, amniotic concentration, carbohydrate level, ketone (ketosis/lipolysis), ovulation status, bovine encephalitis, distemper and progesterone infusion results are all positive. Now I am really worried.

Questions keep popping. Who’s the father? How did “it” happen? When was it conceived? Will I be a virgin mother? OMG… I am so doomed right now. Who will be my baby’s father? Am confused, I never had a chance with any man, or involve in any acts that involves private organs. It may be a miracle or an accident. But I can’t recall on any incidents that could be the existence of my baby.

Most awkward of all, I’m a man. Men can get pregnant? (google…google…) Of course, some men do get babies in their tummy. Like Thomas Beatie and others. Have you ever heard of the famous Buck Angel? But they are all transgender (which means they change their sex). Could I be a woman trapped in a man’s body? I don’t think so. Help me pleaseeee……..

FYI : The above passage is written somewhere back in February 2006.

Its 8 months exactly after I got gravid. I am doing fine, I eat lotsa healthy fruits and foods and the baby is doing great. I quit smoking, which I thought could be the worst thing that a mom would ever do to "his" baby. The ultrasound checking results seems normal and the result include (just read the cert.) – Boy! Hah!


To keep a long story short - I deliver it on 25th December, 2006, i.e. on Christmas day. Now I really need to know who my hubby is. So, I ask lots of people and do researches on the net, on whether finding a baby’s father is possible. After a long search, a group of people in Vietnam calling themselves “The Spivs” told me that they could find the baby’s father at the cost of 1 million dollar. And they did…. Guess who?


F8CK that!! And the next moment I thought, Mr. Terminator is the only man in this world other than Chuck Norris who could get a man pregnant.

And here’s the birth certificate. My son's name is Gavin Jordan Schwarzenegger!! :D


Bah!!!!! My post is absolutely gay!! Hahaha…. It all comes from the devil’s workshop, which is an idle mind. Sunny Sunday afternoon, and this is what you get. Point your browser to www.thepregnancytester.com and test yourself. You can be pregnant…. Hah, fun!!

15 comments:

codeAries said...

Sooo GAY! :)

Joseph L said...

@codeAries - Did you test yourself? I guess you're killin two birds with one stone. akekekeke

Anonymous said...

I pherh ka ti reng a ni..

Joseph L said...

ka chhun che alawm le.

Varte said...

Arnold i rawn sawi tel a... Nau a pai hnu khan ka hmu tuihnai lo zo veks... lol

Anonymous said...

hey joseph, i like your crazy twisted imagination. i love it. its disturbingly morbid.
i don't think its about being gay
i think its more on interchanging identities for once, about trying to be something else or someone else, trying to see how it feels like in someone else's shoes..
well, hey this is what i got from what you wrote..maybe its not what you meant but nevertheless, i decode it as such..
thanx for the space..

Xorn said...

pa lo ve sia a hehe

Joseph L said...

@ Varte - Arnold te chu a pa lutuk a, note te a nei top alawm. akeke.. junior movie ah khan ni ta in ka hria.

@ Gkhiangte - thank God, i didn't do it literally, they almost see me as queermo. I just scribble them down here and it is an attempt at humour and satire. You're such a genius to decode such useful and effective thought. Always welcome... :D

Joseph L said...

@ Xorn - han test ve chiah la. akekekeke...

luliana said...

Pathianin fa pa tura mipate min ruat lo hi vanneihna tawpkhawk a ni e :)

OpaHmar said...

HAhahaha i enjoyed reading this
And BTW i dont believe that the Americans landed on the moon either

illusionaire said...

lolz... GO HOMEEEE. Delhi ah i awm rei tulh tulh a, i gay tan telh telh in ka hria keipawn :-)

Chuanin, yes, we call ya gay because we see your humor and we are just reciprocating with the same humor. My dear gkhiangte, relax, none of us are serious. We love and appreciate our brother's extremely hilarious humor. Chill maadi! :-)

Rita Zoye said...

hahaha.... Arnold a i duh chiang...

Sekibuhchhuak said...

Hahah. a thupui ka hmuh khian engti zawng takin ziak ang maw ka tia. Thawnthu lam ziah i thiam sia,thawnthu lam hawi, mizo nula vanduai, naupai tih lam vel ani dawn emaw ka lo tia :-) Chan loh khanah i rawn chhuak chiang ngei mai !

Joseph L said...

@ Luliana - i thil sawi khi ka support. akekeke.. hmanah i sawi ka hre tawh. i blog ah emaw ni. Vawk note vel kha...

@ Opa Hmar - ty ty. Welcome to the Kaysing Group. :D

@ Illusionaire - up your a$$!!

@ Rita - Ka chang tawh lo.

@ sekibuhchhuak - Sakhi man tumin ulawng i man ta mai a ni maw? akekeke