Saturday, December 26, 2009

Random thoughts

Honky Tonk

If you’ve taken a day out in any metro cities, you’ll be surprised and feel ‘insulted’ from ∞ motor vehicles that runs here and there to get ‘somewhere-there’ first and fast. And needless to mention, everyday in India is “All-India International Honking Festival” with imaginary banners and posters around. You can’t even speak a single sentence without a horn beeping somewhere. Here you go.. Beepp beeeeppp.. there you go….. beepp beeeppp…..


Are you tired and sick of all the calm and peace conversations that you had being interrupted by massive horning? Do you ever wish there exist a silent horn? Think again…. that won’t happen.


You know, in every culture, society, family; the younger members of the society are guided by the elders. And they follow every steps and turns of the elders. Take a family for example, a father guides his son. Tell him what to do and the nots. Moms guide their daughters; tell them exactly the Do’s and Don’ts. In this way, they build a happy and integrated family.


Now back to the engines. The same formulas and solutions are applied for a happy traffic - “The big one guide the small one”. Take a look at these pictures:



On the back of every bigger vehicle, you’ll see that sign, that tempting and inspiring sign that reads – “Horn Please” or “Blow Horn” or whatever. We know, a son will say “Yayyy” if his dad told him to. Likewise, if a bigger vehicle tells the smaller one or whoever is following it to blow some horn, they will do it, following their ‘elders’ commands.


You know now who exactly is behind this ‘honky-tonking’ festival! Don’t blame the small and cute nano that runs passes you blowing horn all the way. Don’t blame the 1954 rusted Bajaj chetak scooter that gets it horn stuck. It’s the heavy motor vehicles that are to blame. Erase them all ‘horn please’ and ‘blow horn’ sign off them, and you’ll be in peace.


Or is it that we Indians are just horny? :-)




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P’s and V’s (Not vulgarity, but thoughts running spree. And the names used in the articles, even based on real people are entirely fictional. Permissions are not obtained.)


A friend told me lately that we, our generation is going to meet a crisis one day – Identity Crisis. Yes, one day a man that you used to know will be a woman. Your ex-girlfriend will stand just next to you in a Men’s washroom and you’ll never know.


Advancements in technologies and surgical equipments led to the transformation of genders. Women who are trapped inside a man’s body. Men who feel like a woman. Their day of ‘live-reincarnation’ is coming. Transgender – and sadly that is happening!


Transgenders mostly have genital surgeries. But still they cannot be fully transformed. A man will always have his wee wee and a woman her cha cha.


Transsexuals have also existed since the beginning of time. Transgender and transsexual – there’s a difference. (Read it somewhere else) You’ll be really confused to call a transsexual person a brother or a sister.


There will be a time when you or your children get really confused in front of the toilet, as to which door exactly should you/they open. Look at a typical toilet door sign –



We see two figures there. In ancient times, men wear pants, women wear skirts. That’s how they define men and women. So, one figure (with the skirt) stands for women and the other for men. Today, men wear short skirts and bras. Women wear pants and boxer shorts. Cross-dressing, as we call it. That door-sign will be out of date soon starting now.


For eg. Your name is Sandman Kima and you are a man. In your train ticket your name, age and sex will be entered as :


1. Sandman Kima 37 M


Where 37 stands for your age and M for Male. And if Sandman Kima is a transsexual, he feels like a woman trapped inside a man’s body but doesn’t have a sex change. He’ll be entered as a Male passenger, which he will not like and be very angry. He’ll sit on a rainbow and write a poem about how he was ‘insulted and molested’ in the train and post it on his blog.


To solve all these troubles and problems. There’s one solution. To identity us human beings as just “Penises” and “Vaginas”. Simple!!


A man-woman transgender still has his penis, a woman-man transgender still has her vagina. It’s their assigned sex and biologically programmed genitals. They cannot be changed until 2012.


From now on, Male will be Penis, and Female will be Vagina. And you or your children will not be confused if the toilet door-sign is updated to something like this –



And Sandman Kima and all others will be very happy if they are entered in the train tickets as :


1. Sandman Kima 37 Penis

2. Andy 25 Penis

3. Mimi Hrahsel 16 Vagina

4. Amos 38 Penis

5. Jerusha 13 Vagina


Take a look at these sentences. The P’s and V’s are really perfect.


“Now, let us call upon our Chief Guest Penis Lalengzuala to deliver a short speech.”


“The Youth Group of SRRC donated 50 units of blood today at Civil Hospital, Aizawl. The donors were 35 Penises and 15 Vaginas.”


“Vagina India is crowned Vagina of the Universe 2009”


Hahahaha…. See you around next year.


That’s all folks, Happy New Year.


With much love and blessings for 2010,

Joseph, Penis.

30 comments:

Sekibuhchhuak said...

Aizawl hi rinaiin Horn kan uar tawh lo khawp mai. Mahse, singnal light vel hmang lova, ding thut leh kawi thut kan hrat khawp mai.

Hahaha.Hming lang ho tan chuan le...SANDMAN hi 37 yrs hi lovin 47 a lawm :-PP

Varte said...

P's and V's, ka tan lubuks, ka la nui... Ngaihtuah chhuak thiam chiang.

Mizohican said...

Kei chu i ziah khi ka hrethiam pha ve lauuu.

VaiVa said...

Happy New Year... :D Father, Vagina :P

Lal Jo-a said...

@Seki - Aizawlah chuan a zia. A dang lamah hian a bon a ni. Kima hi chu ziah young deuh a ngai tawh alawm.

@Varte - kei pawh ka nui.. lol

@Illusionaire - I lar tawh bawk sia. Kan blog te chu in hrethiam tha peih tawh nang.

@Vaiva, Hermaphrodite - Happy New Year!!

samuelapa said...

Eheee... rawn len luh loh karin kum a lo thar der mai a.
Happy New Year u

Mimihrahsel said...

hahahahahahhahaha.. Lal Joseph! dictionary ka keu char2.. :P
Happy New Year!

Lal Jo-a said...

@samuelapa - Happy New Year. A van theih khawp mai tiro?

@mimi - tinge keu kher a ngaih? google-able vek an nih khi. lol. Happy New Year

OpaHmar said...

Hahahahaha Van ho mai mai tak (except Kima status hi a la chiang lo)
But the horn part is something which really bugs me.....AAAAh

lal khiangte said...

Let me crack my knuckles before i comment.
This has got to be the most uproarious B*shit ever!! I like it! you know i categorise people in this world into
a)people with good B*shit
b)people with bad B*shit
..and you fall into the (a) category. There are people who talk a lot but makes no sense while there are those who say little but makes alot of sense. it is always interesting when we talk about "sexuality", the very fact is that the human race is nothing but a race of sexual people. there is this endless search for one's own identity in terms of sexuality. the need to explore one's sexuality is never-ending and the way one does that depends on each one's space of identification. [Am i making sense? i feel like i belong to the (b)category] anyways, dont take it too seriously, I just want to annoy the crap out of you..MR. Chuck Norris.
all in all, i think you write gud shit. I thought you were too MAN to write these stuffs..eh..i guess you are still exploring your own sexuality too! having trouble?

and for the horn issue, i think some Indians have the uncontrollable urge to blow one's own trumpet literally and metaphorically! can somebody do something about the level of loud noise in the city? its cramping my peaceful sensitivity!!!..

T-Cule said...

happy belated new year father!

Lal Jo-a said...

@Opa - Thu ho mai mai hi kan buaipui peih tawk a ni mai si a.. lol

@lal chuck norris ex-gf : is there any possible f-ing way to talk about good b*shit? aren't B*shit always bad? confused about sexuality? nah.. i was born with a little hose, so that finalize it. And about that horn solution - go and ask it somewhere else. Anyways thanks for your kind and inspiring comment :-)

@keichala - belated happy new year to you too

@alejendro - NNL --------- (Nui Nasa Lutuk)

Anonymous said...

Interesting view about the Ps and Vs, and it may well be necessary in the near future. With the population of gays, lesbians, transgenders, transsexuals, bisexual, trisexuals, quadusexuals, etc etc. increasing each day, using Public Restrooms may soon be one of the most confusing experiences for children!
As for the Horn bit, Indians love blowing their horns, both literally and metaphorically, so much so that even if their horn is broken, they friggin' scream!

Michael Fanai said...

P's and V's hi a hit lutuk tlat

Lal Jo-a said...

@blackestred - Thanks for ya comment. Couldn't say it better myself.

@Maia - chuti maw? :-)

Michael Fanai said...

nia mawle Sir

Almostunreal said...

"He’ll (Sandman) sit on a rainbow and write a poem about how he was ‘insulted and molested’ in the train and post it on his blog."

hahahahaha...a nih duh hmel eeee..ka la fuh ltk

all in all..nice post :)

スタービーチ said...

聖なる場所スタービーチで愛を育てませんか。メル友や恋人、セクフレなど貴方が理想としている関係がスタビでは築けちゃいます。素敵なであいから発展させていきませんか

競馬予想 said...

2010 競馬予想 各厩舎・調教師から届けられる最強の馬券情報を限定公開!本物の オッズ 表はコレだ

友達 said...

よく「彼氏いるでしょ~?」って言われるけど、イナイよσ(‾^‾)トモダチ集めてホームパーティーなんかしたりするのがマイブームでして♪♪好きな人ができてもハズかしくて告れない…(>_< )しゅりのココロをゲットしてぇ~☆コドモっぽい性格だから年上でお兄ちゃんみたいな人がタイプだよ(*^m^*) h-13-i-12@docomo.ne.jp

スタービーチ said...

遂に復活!!スタービーチで素敵なであいをお楽しみ下さい

オナニー said...

今や女の子のオナニーは常識。しかもお金を払って実際にオナニーを見てもらい、恥ずかしがるのや褒められるのが興奮のツボ!そんな彼女達とオナメールやHなことしてみませんか

セレブラブ said...

セレブラブなリッチセレブリティ達のアダルトコミュニティーサイト!お金と時間に優雅なセレブ女性達はアダルトコミュで男性との秘密交際を楽しんでいるのです

友達 said...

変わってるって言われるけどわりといい人だよ(笑)!!お笑い好きな人だったら話盛り上がりそうだねO(≧▽≦)O 色んなことに興味深々でおっちょこちょいだからそばで支えてくれる人募集中σ(゜-^*)自分の年齢的に年下の男の子はアウトだからごめんね(*_ _)人 u-3-ummm52@docomo.ne.jp

スタービーチ said...

【緊急】突如として消えたスタービーチが復活!長い年月をかけて不死鳥の如く蘇ったスタビをお楽しみください【緊急】

スタービーチ said...

新しくなったスタービーチは新しいであいのカタチを提案します★ あなたに出逢いたい人がここにいます

モバゲー said...

モバゲーよりすごいスタービーチで最高の恋をしよう!!素敵な仲間を探したい!!信頼出来る友達が欲しい…理想のパートナーと出会って理想の恋をしたい…そんなアナタに最も最適なスタビで恋の幸せ掴みとりましょう♪

モテる度チェッカー said...

今迄モテたのに最近イマイチな人、これからもモテる気配の無い人、モテて人生変えたい人、一度モテる度チェッカーを体験しませんか。良くある出合いサイトにリンクされるのでは無く、親身なアドバイス結果が出ます。これで人生が変わった人がいますよ

皐月賞 said...

皐月賞・競馬予想!各厩舎・調教師から届けられる最強の馬券情報を限定公開!本物のオッズ表はコレだ

モバげー said...

モバげーとスタビ、異性とのであいを探すならやはりこの2つのサイトは外せない。Mixiよりも遊べるサイトで楽しもう