Random thoughts

Honky Tonk

If you’ve taken a day out in any metro cities, you’ll be surprised and feel ‘insulted’ from ∞ motor vehicles that runs here and there to get ‘somewhere-there’ first and fast. And needless to mention, everyday in India is “All-India International Honking Festival” with imaginary banners and posters around. You can’t even speak a single sentence without a horn beeping somewhere. Here you go.. Beepp beeeeppp.. there you go….. beepp beeeppp…..

Are you tired and sick of all the calm and peace conversations that you had being interrupted by massive horning? Do you ever wish there exist a silent horn? Think again…. that won’t happen.

You know, in every culture, society, family; the younger members of the society are guided by the elders. And they follow every steps and turns of the elders. Take a family for example, a father guides his son. Tell him what to do and the nots. Moms guide their daughters; tell them exactly the Do’s and Don’ts. In this way, they build a happy and integrated family.

Now back to the engines. The same formulas and solutions are applied for a happy traffic - “The big one guide the small one”. Take a look at these pictures:

On the back of every bigger vehicle, you’ll see that sign, that tempting and inspiring sign that reads – “Horn Please” or “Blow Horn” or whatever. We know, a son will say “Yayyy” if his dad told him to. Likewise, if a bigger vehicle tells the smaller one or whoever is following it to blow some horn, they will do it, following their ‘elders’ commands.

You know now who exactly is behind this ‘honky-tonking’ festival! Don’t blame the small and cute nano that runs passes you blowing horn all the way. Don’t blame the 1954 rusted Bajaj chetak scooter that gets it horn stuck. It’s the heavy motor vehicles that are to blame. Erase them all ‘horn please’ and ‘blow horn’ sign off them, and you’ll be in peace.

Or is it that we Indians are just horny? :-)

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P’s and V’s (Not vulgarity, but thoughts running spree. And the names used in the articles, even based on real people are entirely fictional. Permissions are not obtained.)

A friend told me lately that we, our generation is going to meet a crisis one day – Identity Crisis. Yes, one day a man that you used to know will be a woman. Your ex-girlfriend will stand just next to you in a Men’s washroom and you’ll never know.

Advancements in technologies and surgical equipments led to the transformation of genders. Women who are trapped inside a man’s body. Men who feel like a woman. Their day of ‘live-reincarnation’ is coming. Transgender – and sadly that is happening!

Transgenders mostly have genital surgeries. But still they cannot be fully transformed. A man will always have his wee wee and a woman her cha cha.

Transsexuals have also existed since the beginning of time. Transgender and transsexual – there’s a difference. (Read it somewhere else) You’ll be really confused to call a transsexual person a brother or a sister.

There will be a time when you or your children get really confused in front of the toilet, as to which door exactly should you/they open. Look at a typical toilet door sign –

We see two figures there. In ancient times, men wear pants, women wear skirts. That’s how they define men and women. So, one figure (with the skirt) stands for women and the other for men. Today, men wear short skirts and bras. Women wear pants and boxer shorts. Cross-dressing, as we call it. That door-sign will be out of date soon starting now.

For eg. Your name is Sandman Kima and you are a man. In your train ticket your name, age and sex will be entered as :

1. Sandman Kima 37 M

Where 37 stands for your age and M for Male. And if Sandman Kima is a transsexual, he feels like a woman trapped inside a man’s body but doesn’t have a sex change. He’ll be entered as a Male passenger, which he will not like and be very angry. He’ll sit on a rainbow and write a poem about how he was ‘insulted and molested’ in the train and post it on his blog.

To solve all these troubles and problems. There’s one solution. To identity us human beings as just “Penises” and “Vaginas”. Simple!!

A man-woman transgender still has his penis, a woman-man transgender still has her vagina. It’s their assigned sex and biologically programmed genitals. They cannot be changed until 2012.

From now on, Male will be Penis, and Female will be Vagina. And you or your children will not be confused if the toilet door-sign is updated to something like this –

And Sandman Kima and all others will be very happy if they are entered in the train tickets as :

1. Sandman Kima 37 Penis

2. Andy 25 Penis

3. Mimi Hrahsel 16 Vagina

4. Amos 38 Penis

5. Jerusha 13 Vagina

Take a look at these sentences. The P’s and V’s are really perfect.

“Now, let us call upon our Chief Guest Penis Lalengzuala to deliver a short speech.”

“The Youth Group of SRRC donated 50 units of blood today at Civil Hospital, Aizawl. The donors were 35 Penises and 15 Vaginas.”

“Vagina India is crowned Vagina of the Universe 2009”

Hahahaha…. See you around next year.

That’s all folks, Happy New Year.

With much love and blessings for 2010,

Joseph, Penis.